Chapter 37.
The judge eyeballed my family, then Harvey Spinks, then Vernon Wayco, then Flowers. He shuffled through his notes and continued dealing the most severe stares to Murray and Vernon Wayco. Vernon Wayco sat motionless, apart from the occasional head turn, to whisper into Harvey Spinks’ ear. Harvey Spinks tugged at his shirt collar, as if it were a noose tightening, with every passing minute. Flowers hovered behind Harvey Spinks, and swiped through his phone. The court was as quiet as a church – I could hear people’s lunches digesting. The judge punctuated the silence with a loud slap of his hands on the bench.
“I think both parties here, need to be versed in reality. You can indeed drag this case the whole way up to the supreme court but my advice is, put it to bed, today. But that is the prerogative of both sides in this case. My advice, is lay down your guns.”
Both sides of the room nodded in agreement. He jabbed a silver pen in the direction of Vernon Wayco, like it was a weapon. I watched Flowers as he surveyed the bloodshed rally on the little screen between his hands – he looked very worried.
“Mister Spinks, you created a Frankenstein, a monster and one day that monster decided it didn’t want to be a freak anymore – it wanted to be human but you still persisted in parading it for the masses to see. You poked and prodded that monster for your own gain and amusement, and the amusement of others and during that process you lined your pockets,” the judge said. “My main issue is not the parading of the Movi family, as that is something that they did indeed sign up to do, but it’s the constant manipulation and the insidious story-lining that you concocted, to make their lives, more of a mockery. That in my view was not something that they signed up for.”
I could hear Minnie exhale deeply with relief. The little judge turned his attention to Murray. He stabbed the air with his silver pen.
“Mister Shamowski, you’ve made a mockery of my court and I am very close to having you charged with contempt of court. Your courtroom antics, are not unlike the tactics, that the very man you hold to task, supports. And I hope I never see you in my courtroom again. The courtroom behaviour that I’ve witnessed in this case, is a farcical episode of the judicial system of this country, that I hold dear. This court has become a prop in the latest episode of this circus. It has also come to my attention, that you have indeed been filming inside my courtroom without permission, which is in itself, a crime.”
Vernon Wayco turned to Harvey Spinks – he looked surprised with the judge’s comment. Flowers glared over at me. He looked like he wanted to kill me. I hid behind Chuck’s big head.
“But to be honest, I don’t want to deal with any of you after today, so I’m willing to let that one slide,” the judge said.
Chuck nodded his head and whispered to Lenny, “He’s a fair man, I like him.”
“I say this to the Movi family, choose your bedfellows more wisely because there’s always someone who wakes up with regret, in the cold, grey light of morning,” the judge said.
Chuck nodded, like he was being enlightened, by a preachers sermon. He looked like he was about to yell out ‘hallelujah’ – he didn’t – fortunately for everyone, especially Chuck.
“I don’t pretend to understand the attraction of reality television but my abstraction from its appeal, allows me to possibly view it through a more subjective lens, and from what I can see, the Movi family invited Mister Spinks and his production crew over the threshold of their home, but that invite manifested itself, as a full home invasion, coupled with a dictatorship of sorts.”
Minnie hid a sly smile behind her little lace handkerchief.
“And Mr. Wayco you are indeed correct, regret is a giant factor in this case but if one goes on a dinner date with Jeffrey Dahmer, they don’t expect to find themselves as the main course, chained to an engine block, in a dark basement. In that light Sir, I say regret is not a harbinger, that will predicate unsavory behaviour.”
Vernon Wayco didn’t blink. His eyes were transfixed on the little judge. From across the room I couldn’t tell if he agreed with the judge or wanted to kill him.
“There’s an old saying, ‘the law is an ass’. Mr. Shamowski and Mr. Wayco, you two, are not going to be proving that point any further in my court. I think enough entertainment has been siphoned from this particular group of people, so with that in mind, after much consideration for both parties, I’m ruling in favour of the plaintiff.”
A collective gasp was released from my family. Vernon Wayco finally showed some emotion – it was disappointment. He turned and apologized to Harvey Spinks.
“Mister Wayco, I have ruled in favour of the plaintiff in this case but I would advise your client to seriously weigh up whether you want to appeal this ruling in another court. When your opponent is someone like Mister Shamowski, you tend to come to the conclusion, that you just can’t argue with crazy.”
Murray rose abruptly from his seat. “Objection your honor, the use of the word crazy is derog...”
The judge snapped, “Mister Shamowski, you’ve won the battle today, so please put a cork in it, I’m weary of your antics. But please don’t make me regret doing this. I do not want to be sitting on my train home, having the, what the hell was I thinking conversation, with myself.”
Murray nodded sheepishly. “I’d like to apologize to the court,” he said.
And that was it – our freedom was announced with the sound of a little wooden hammer, slammed on the judges bench.
“That was not too hard at all,” Chuck said. “That judge is a very wise man. He reminds me of Yoda.”
Murray moved over to Vernon Wayco’s side of the room to shake hands. Harvey Spinks brushed past him.
“Don’t flatter yourself Shamowski, legal acumen didn’t win this case, insanity and pure unadulterated paddywhackery did,” Harvey Spinks seethed.
“Don’t take it too personally Mister Spinks, sanity is merely someone else’s opinion, of ones state of mind.”
Harvey Spinks moved towards my family. “What are you going to do now? Go back to your insignificant little lives? I guarantee you’ll live to regret this, or you’ll drag it into the grave with you.”
Dallas held up his phone and pointed to the screen. “Think fast Harvey, you might want to circle your wagons. This looks like the end of your life in reality.”
Harvey Spinks waved Dallas off like he didn’t care. I knew he did – he wreaked of fear.
“What do we do now?” Bunny asked worriedly.
“We do, what we always do,” Minnie said. “Get up, breathe, hustle and graft.”
“Are you sure we did the right thing?” Bunny asked. “Didn’t we just cut our lifeline?”
“It’s not a lifeline sweetie,” Minnie said. “It’s called a leash.”
There was no great celebration on the way out of the courtroom. I sensed regret from some of the family members and contained elation from others. As we neared the exit, the din from a large group of people outside erupted. We were greeted by large posse of smiling faces. Photographer’s camera shutters sounded like a swarm of cicadas on a sweaty night. One man filming with his phone shouted at Harvey Spinks, “Mister Spinks, what’s it like to be brought down by a Beagle?”
Harvey Spinks ignored him. Another yelled, “Heel Harvey, heel.”
The crowd burst into laughter. My family looked like heroes. We slew the evil dragon and the public loved us for it. But it all just seemed like entertainment of another form – the mob wanted us to play a different role, in the same play. Reporters circled us like we were dinner. Cameras and phones invaded my space.
“Any words of wisdom for your fans Chumley,” one female reporter asked, while she pointed a microphone in front of my snout. Chuck and Rufus waited for me to do something – I did nothing. I didn’t like the big crowd and I wanted to go home.
“Please people, make way for Chumley,” Rufus said.
Chuck bent down and picked me up and ferried me through the chaos to Lenny’s truck.
“What about you, Chuck? Are we going to be seeing you online anytime soon?” the lady asked. “You made quite the following with those online segments.”
“We’ll see. I’m considering my options. But I’m a stuntman and that’s where my heart is at.”
“Have you seen the latest on Harvey Spinks? He’s trending off the charts.”
“I wouldn’t worry about Harvey Spinks, that guy is as tough as a honey badger’s ball sack. He’ll be back with vengeance,” Chuck said.
The female reporter giggled. “Always the wordsmith Chuck.”
Bunny reveled in the attention. She stood on top of the steps to the courthouse and made an unscheduled speech.
“We as a family, feel like, so empowered right now. We feel, like, validated because we refuse to be manipulated by the insane contract that we were swindled into. That’s all I have to say right now, you can read the whole story on my blog. I really hope, that you can respect our privacy through this trying time. But, I will be back running my live camera blog in the next few days.”
“Lenny, does this mean the spin-off show with you and Muffy is on hold?” a young female reported asked excitedly.
Lenny laughed loudly. “I think you’d have to drag my limbless corpse, into that reality show.”
“That’s something I’d pay good money to see,” Muffy said.
“Yes, with my money. Come to think of it, I’ve already experienced being a limbless corpse – it’s called a divorce settlement.”
There was laughter from the mob.
“I’m seeing magic,” the reporter teased. “It’s a show I’d pay to see.”
Another reporter jostled his way into Minnie’s space, “Is it true that there’s going to be a feature film based on the Movi family?” he asked. “I’ve also heard that there’s a rumour of a miniseries. Have you any comment Minnie?”
“Yes, it’s going to be called kiss my ass, now get the hell out of my way,” Minnie said pushing her way through the crowd and into Lenny’s truck.
Her ire drew an unintended cackle from the mob.
“They love you,” Max said enjoying his moment in the spotlight. He slipped in a few seconds of his wheelbarrow routine.
“Get in the car,” Minnie snapped. “Don’t become a stooge of another name, for this bunch of misfits. They just want their feed from a different part, of the same trough.”
Max sat in the back of Lenny’s truck, hypnotized by the attention. “Look on the bright side, at least we can pimp ourselves out instead of Harvey Spinks doing it,” he said, grinning into a photographers lens. “I’ll bet Walt could never get this kind of publicity.”
“Wise up Max,” Minnie rasped. “It’s the same pig, just a different tit.”